Jenzy
Registered on
May-08-2008
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Message #17963 posted by Jenzy (Info) May 08, 2008 14:34:45 ET
I am a 38 year old female and I had opiates and marijuana in my system when
I found out I had to take a drug test to get a new job. I haven't worked in
over 8 months, so I really wanted this job.
I took the test at Quest Diagnostics...so to those of you out there that have to
go there to take the test, they DO NOT supervise, but they do kinda stand
right outside the door (which you can lock).
Girls, this is the one time where it truly pays to be a chick. I went to CVS and
bought an empty 3oz plastic travel bottle. It measured about 5 and 3/8
inches long (including the flip-top cap) by 1 and 3/8 inches diameter. The 3
oz was more than I needed, but better to have more than come up short! The
bottle was very uncomfortable to have up there but it was worth it. I got some
clean pee from a sympathetic friend (which wasn't exactly easy to find!!) the
day before the test. I stored it in a clean glass salsa jar with a metal lid in the
refridgerator overnite. Early the morning of the test, I took it out to let it get
to room temperature. At around 11am, the urine was still ice cold so I heated
some water in a pot, not even to a simmer. I used a regular human
temperature thermometer to check the temp of the water. It was only around
115 or so. I lowered the urine, still in the glass salsa jar, into the water. (like
a double boiler method) being sure that no water spilled over into the urine.
It only took a few minutes for the urine to heat up. I got the pee to measure
around 99 degrees. This was all done within 1/2 hour before I was to take the
test. I filled the plastic travel bottle to the very top and capped it tightly. Then
I immediately put it up my snatch, with the cap facing toward the ground. I
knew it wouldn't leak because the day before I had practiced with the
container filled with water. I walked around, went up and down stairs, and
drove the car a little. So anyway, after I had the pee in there, I headed to the
testing lab.
When I got there, I was about 15 minutes early. I dressed nice with a dress
and pantyhose, which helped me feel secure cause the bottle kinda slides out
a little. I signed in a carefully sat down (sitting down is the hardest). They
called me in. I followed the test administer to the back of the lab. There was
a counter area where the administer began filling out my paperwork. He had
me hang my purse on the hook outside the bathroom door. He asked me to
rinse my hands off in the bathroom sink and come back out to dry them. I
did so. He then asked me my social security #, and then opened a sealed
specimen container. The container had a temperature gauge affixed to it. He
told me to go in the bathroom and pee up to the line, and don't flush the
toilet. I closed and locked the door and quickly took the bottle out of my
snatch, unscrewed the bottle very quietly, and dumped the contents into the
specimen container. I then recapped the travel bottle and put it back up my
pussy, empty. Then I checked the amount and saw that it was a little over the
line. I poured a tiny bit into the toilet, which had blue water in it. I still had
enough pee in there to be a little bit over the line. Pee, or water for that
matter, cools fast once it is away from the body, so once you have the
specimen in the container, BE QUICK ABOUT IT! Also, I just realized that I
didn't use any toilet paper, which may have looked a bit suspicious.
Anyway, after I emerged from the bathroom with "my" pee, I handed it to the
administer. He checked the temperature, which was fine, and then emptied
the pee into another container, sealed the container, affixed a sticker onto it,
and had me initial the sample. He then handed me the rest of the pee still left
over in the collection container. He instructed me to dump the pee into the
toilet and flush. Then I was allowed to use a some soap that was outside the
bathroom, and wash my hands in the sink in the bathroom. In other words,
there was no soap in the bathroom. Then I was done, and I just found out
today that I passed!!
So ladies, that is how it is done. I recommend this method to all women out
there. The hardest part was finding someone straight that was willing to give
me their pee!
I even could have passed this way if it was supervised, except the bottle i
used would not empty out even when turned upside down and completely
opened. It had to be squeezed, which was impossible to do while it was still
inside of me. I guess if it had been necessary, I would have tried to take it out
only a little and squeeze it, but that would have made weird noises after you
squeeze (gurgle gurgle, bloop, bloop) so I was really relieved to find out
someone wasn't going to be staring at my pussy or something. In that case, I
would maybe try a condom, but I have heard a lot of horror stories about
bursted condoms. One friend had the condom burst on the way to the test.
ugh.
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